Ultra Lite

25 Mar 2022 4:00 PM | Anonymous

by Bill Kurtz

This week’s blog is Ultra Lite. There are no calories or carbs in it at all. There are  no deep, meaningful stories or anecdotes, no pithy comments. It is pure fluff and fun. 

Frankly, it’s been less than stellar week for our family. It started with news that  our youngest daughter and her entire family were stricken with Covid. My  grandson brought it home from school. Likewise, covid came to my aged  brother-in-law and his wife. For news, it was a steady diet of that horrible war in  the Ukraine; covid, covid and more covid; political scandal; shootings and  killings and various stories of how we abuse one another. And for sports, my  beloved Gonzaga Bulldogs lost in the sweet sixteens of the NCAA college  basketball tournament. 

So I concluded this time my contribution to “The Ageless Mind” would follow the  old adage that you don’t stop laughing because you’re old; you grow old  because you stop laughing. I hope you agree. 


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember algebra.     

As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can't remember them either. 

"I am having amnesia, dementia, and deja vu, all at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before . . ." 

Visiting the Hospital  

According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out   of the hospital in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair. 

After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed. As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up. 

"I don't know," he replied. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.” 

Card Buddies  

Two aging little ladies had been friends since their 20s. They were "card buddies". Now in their 80s, they still got together a couple of times a week  to play cards. One day they were playing gin rummy and one of them said,  "You know, we’ve been friends for many years and, please don't get mad, but for the life of me, I can't remember your name. Please tell me what it is." 

Her friend glared at her. She continued to glare and stare at her for at least  three minutes. Finally, she said, "How soon do you need to know?" 

Hearing aids  

The elderly gentleman next door was talking to his neighbour, telling him all about the new hearing aid he just got. 

"It cost a fortune, but it was worth it. It works perfectly." 

"Really," said the neighbour. "What kind is it?" 

"Ten thirty." 

Life and learning  

“The first part of life is for learning. The second for service, and the last is for oneself. It is a time for discover inner richness and for self development and spiritual growth. It is also a time of transition and preparation for dying. The closer we come to death, the closer we come to reality and truth.” - Gay Gaer Luce 


“It is too bad that dying is the last thing we do, because it could teach us so much about living.” - Robert M. Herhold

“There is only one solution if old age is not to be a parody of our former     life, and that is to go on pursuing ends that give existence meaning . . .    devotion to individuals, to groups or causes, social, political, intellectual and creative work. - Simone de Bouvoir 

“Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.” - Dag Hammarskjold 

“Do not go gentle into that good night; Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  - Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night 

And lastly  

“I don't want my life to be defined by what is etched on a tombstone. I want it to be defined by what is etched in the lives and hearts of those I've touched.” - Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free 


* Except as otherwise noted, all sayings and quotes are courtesy of Good Reads  ( goodreads.com) and A time to Laugh (atimetolaugh.org) 

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